Another week gone and nothing suitable has come up to apply for and I haven't heard anything from my applications so far. The closing date for the last applications is Monday - maybe I'll hear something, but the likelihood is that I won't - I'm not being fatalistic - just realistic.
So...what next? With nothing coming up to even apply for, do I consider signing on? And then will I become a pawn in the government scheme for getting people back into work - in any job, just to reduce the statistics? And then I have to consider if I am willing to consider taking any job so that I'm bringing money in and making life just that little bit less stressful when the bills come in at the end of the month?
You see, I've realised that there's an interesting issue going on here - at Bex's school prizegiving this week the speaker suggested that we pursue those things that 'make your heart beat faster' which really struck a cord with me - but at the moment I can't do that in the way that I would like to. I do know it's right to wait and allow us to settle as a couple and a family, to allow me to be mum for a while and not a stressed-out student with essays and assignments with impending deadlines, but I've gone from the high pressure of student life to what feels like no pressure at all and it feels weird. However bizarre it sounds, I'm missing the people - the staff and fellow students at college, and I'm missing the mental challenge of lectures and the assignments - they've been so much a part of my life for the past five years, and I would so loved to have carried on to a post-graduate degree - but this is not to be...for now... And locating the self-motivation for study at home isn't easy, especially with the house needing so much work still...
The thing is, that I will continue to look for opportunities to exercise my gifts and this is training for ministry (now and in the future), but despite knowing it's right to put my ministry training in terms of college on hold, I don't feel comfortable in the meantime just looking for any old job just to bring money in. I want a job where I feel a sense of fulfilment, a sense of giving, a sense of enjoyment...so what should I do?
I'm feeling just a little bit frustrated this morning...
1 comment:
Oh babe :( I kinda hope you hold out. Giving yourself space to, as you say, settle this new family. Being the best gel you can be in that, and then when the right thing comes along, the thing which "makes your heart beat faster", then it'll be time... Or maybe that thing will be studying again! But I hope you don't just slot in somewhere for the money... Maybe you could do some temp work? In that case it's not being a sell-out, just getting from point A to point B, in my opinion :)
Love you!
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