Testimony Sunday

On the first Sunday of the year at our church we have the opportunity to bring our testimonies and share them during the service. This is what I shared this morning:

This past year has been the most difficult I have ever experienced - this time last year I was reeling from the shock of my husband suddenly deciding to leave me and my girls. A year ago I was going through unimaginable agony because the person I loved and trusted with all my heart had chosen to hurt me so deeply. I could not imagine how I could manage to carry on. And a year ago I still had hope that some kind of reconciliation might be possible, but now, today, I am waiting for the final stage of the divorce to come through.

Throughout this year I have struggled, especially with my emotions - I have been angry, so very angry, I have been furious at the injustice of what I was going through, I have grieved my lost relationship and I have been confused and frustrated by so much that has happened. I have questioned my faith and I have even despaired of life and wondered how to go on living because the pain in my heart was too much to bear. This year is a year when I have cried too many tears.

The night my husband left, God laid a verse on my heart from Isaiah 46. Verse 4 says this: "I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." I stand here today as a testimony to the One who has carried me in His loving arms, every moment of this difficult year. He has carried me through the love of my family and friends, three very dear friends in particular and through the love and support of everyone here.

I have been encouraged by verses, phone calls, texts, e-mails - all reaffirming God's continued presence in my life. But most importantly, their words, your words, of comfort have been His words, their arms, your arms - His arms, their presence, your presence, with me - His presence in tangible form.

But there have still been times when I've felt so alone - so abandoned, so isolated - and though I have wanted to, I haven't given up. And though I have wondered why, I do know that it is because I still have hope in Him, my Heavenly Father. For even during the darkest, most difficult times I have to look back and say that God was there. Often silent, often unfelt, but present nevertheless. I am here today because I have not lost my hope in Him - He did not, has not, and will not, abandon me.

As I face the year ahead I know there are still other dark days that lie ahead. Though it is a year on - I still bear a very real and painful wound in my heart and the slightest thing can affect me so very profoundly, and even though I am in the process of healing, I will always bear the scars of this experience.

But the God who has carried me this far, is the God who continues to carry me. He has remained faithful to His promise - so I will continue to cling to the One who holds me in His everlasting arms - my Lord and my God - my eternal refuge.